Self-harm can take many forms, from over eating, cutting, overdosing and many, many other forms. In fact, more seemingly acceptable ways that we self-harm would include smoking and binge drinking. Self-harm is often seen as a way to grab attention or because the self-harmer is too ‘self absorbed’. This is not always the case and when we look at possible reasons why people self-harm, we can perhaps gain a better understanding.
A big part of self-harm is guilt and anger. Even after traumatic episodes that are not the fault of the victim, there can still be much guilt and shame; coupled with anger, these emotions can cause many mental and even physical disorders. One self-harmer, who wishes to remain anonymous, talked about an incredible build up of pressure. This is not so much daily stress or work pressure, but the intense pressure of accumulated emotion. This pressure eventually has to give and the best way for this person to deal with it was by cutting. The cutting was an instant pressure relief and the personality suddenly changed; then, came the bandaging and the clean up. The amazing thing is that the personality dressing the wound was a different personality from the self-harmer; it was as if the self-harmer had been exorcised.
Obviously, to get to this point of self-harm, the pressure has to be tremendous and the self-harm thus becomes a coping mechanism. This has nothing to do with attention seeking, it is about self-preservation and unless one has experienced such depths, one can never truly understand the self-harmer; this is very evident with some mental health professionals who have read the textbooks but never experienced this level of emotion.
Self-harm is very common and goes beyond the stereotype of Goths and teenagers! Self-harm is carried out by men, woman and children and the adults come from many professional backgrounds. To deal with such trauma, one needs time and patience, which is why self-harm occurs, as the healing seems to be a long way off. It is also amazing to hear some peoples’ judgement against self harmers when those same people smoke or drink or even overeat; these too are forms of self harm and yet this behavior is seen as more ‘normal ‘!
So if you know a self harmer, please don’t judge; instead, offer help support and compassion and see them as the courageous people they really are because despite the self harm, they are still here and fighting to live a better life.
Resources: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/self-harm
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