One anonymous writer’s look at living with self harm

I admit it. I used to be a self harmer. I am not ashamed of it and in fact I am kind of proud of it. This article is for those of you that might have a family member who exhibits self harm behaviour and it comes from someone who used to do it.

There is a perception that self harm is carried out by teenage girls in their bedroom or teenage boys all in black with eye shadow. At least that is the impression I got when first talking about self harm to those I knew around me. The fact is that self harm behaviour is exhibited in men, women and children of all backgrounds.

I was a professional working in a very stressful job; I was good at my job and I had the respect of my peers. At the same time I was self harming and nobody had any idea. There are various forms of self harm; it is not just about cutting. People take overdoses of headache pills for example or they hit themselves or bite themselves. Refusing food can also be classed as a form of self harm.

Self harm is all about release. The pressure that builds up with the self harmer become so intense that cutting or biting can be the only way that that pressure is released and in that way becomes very therapeutic. One of the worst things that you can do is to try to stop the self harming in one go. The pressure that builds up will eventually find a way of coming out and it could be in a form far worse than self harm.

You need to let that family member know that you know and that above all you are not judging them. You are there as support and to watch over that person. You are not there to stop the self harm. That will naturally fall away as the pressure is released in different forms and the actual reason why the pressure builds in the first place is addressed. This is an important factor. In a way the self harm is not the problem. It is the pressure that causes it in the first place.

For me it was very old issues that would come to the surface in times of stress and anxiety. My job at the time was incredibly stressful and so the pressure would build and build until I self harmed. Then the pressure would be gone and life was back to normal. It was as if the person cutting and the person bandaging themselves were two different entities. There was the “cutting myself” me and the “clean up afterwards” me. This is important because it gives you a glimpse as to the therapy that could be offered.

The psychiatrists and councillors that I encountered did not have a clue. Their idea of self harm was almost nonexistent and was based on stereotype and assumption. What I found to be the best help was when I joined a self harm group. I found people of all ages going through what I was experiencing. Sure, the individual problems were different but the reasons why to take it that far were very similar. We all felt guilt and anger and that intense build up of pressure.

So the first step is to love them, not judge them. Research your area for a self harm support group. You can start with the internet or contact your local mental health charity or organisation. That is how I found my group. From there you can be lead to good councillors and psychiatric teams, ones that have had experience in this field and really can help.

Do not worry. Self harm is more common than you might think and there are ways through it. It is usually not a precursor to suicide it is simply a way of release. If you do think that suicidal tendencies are a real factor then you need to make contact with professionals quickly.

As a self harmer, once my pressure had been released in different ways I no longer would cut or bite myself. Playing guitar helped for example and writing is a constant release that does wonders. Above all when I felt I could sit down and talk to someone knowing that they would listen and not judge no matter what I said, then I felt that there was hope; and hope is one of the greatest pressure relievers there is.

Article source: http://www.articleoutlook.com