Helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one can be a difficult task and requires compassion, care and sometimes delicacy.
There are no words that one can adequately use when trying to comfort someone over the loss of a loved one. We all ask the obvious questions: ‘How are you?’ and ‘What can I do?’ and in times of grief these statements maybe all that we can think of at the time. So what can we do when when we are helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one?
Be there for them.
In grief counselling this sounds so obvious but it is important to let the person know that you are there for them; never assume that they know this. Make it clear that they can contact you at anytime but also make sure that you make the steps to contact them and offer yourself during this difficult time.
Remember the good times
It is important when coping with the loss of a loved one that the good times are highlighted. One does have to tread carefully here though for this can initially cause more pain by indirectly emphasising their absence. What can be very useful as part of the grief counselling is talking in the present tense; so rather than highlighting the past we can talk about the now. This could also include how we see the loved one now; how free they are or how happy they are or emphasising the release from pain and the bodily condition. This is especially useful if the loss of the loved one was due to illness.
Allow the person to grieve.
This is an important point. There is nothing worse than someone saying: ‘There, there don’t cry’ or ‘Try not to get upset’. There is nothing more counterproductive, insulting or possibly harmful than trying to force the person coping with the loss of a loved one to bottle all that emotion up. They must be given the freedom to grieve for grieving is a big part of the healing process.
Staying overnight.
This may seem a little strange but often the worse time for someone who is coping with the loss of a loved one is the night time routine. If it is possible and appropriate to do so then perhaps one could stay overnight. If the person waked in the middle of the night then you can be there for them and of course you will be there for them when they wake in the morning. This of course goes back to the first point of being there for them.
Helping someone cope with the loss a loved one is a difficult task. You want to help but not say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. If you come from a place of honesty and sincerity then this will shine through and the first major step in the grief counselling has thus been taken.
Further reading: The Soler Theory
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