Looking back in hindsight the symptoms were there before my first ‘collapse’ at work. Over the last 3 years I was slowly cutting back on all I did. I swapped my bike for the car, stopped doing the overtime, was constantly feeling tired no matter how much sleep I had. My usual work routine was becoming increasingly difficult and I had started to cut my breaks short so as to catch up.

The work load hadn’t increased I was just finding it harder to complete. I was constantly feeling under the weather and put it down to all kinds of factors. I blamed my age (early 40s) started taking supplements and tried to take things easier. At home anyway. Then one day at work I collapsed.

The lumbar puncture ruled out a stroke, I was told that I had a virus and was sent home. That was 2006. My last day at work was 2008; I couldn’t manage 2 hrs 3 times a week.

We get so use to running on the treadmill of life that when we fall of we still try to get back on it. And that’s what I did; I tried to get back on every time I felt a little better and was so disappointed when I fell off again. Each fall was leaving me further behind in what I use to do. I couldn’t take commotion or loud noises, I was finding decision making harder, driving was becoming a challenge ( I eventually sold the car ) shopping at the supermarket, meeting friends, watching TV., listening to music…. my life and my lifestyle was changing.

It took me 18 months to realise that I wasn’t going to be able to return to work as quick as I thought. (I was told that I might eventually do part-time work but I was still in denial) On my good days I’d feel guilty, I should be working. On my bad days I’d feel worse, if only there was a plaster cast or something visible to show how unwell I was. The lack of any visual signs made me feel like a cheat and that if I could just pull myself together I’d be well again!

When explaining Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I’d compare it with a mobile phone that hadn’t been charged enough. Use the games on the phone and the battery runs out quickly but if you just leave the phone for calls the battery lasts longer.

The same applied to me, for my battery to last longer I’ve had to simplify my life. Everything has slowly changed, from my social life, to the contents in the kitchen cupboards!  Life feels simpler because it has to be. I can’t rush like before and even though I hated the new pace I was forced to take I have learnt to actually stop and smell the roses on this gentle path.  I enjoy simple things, quietness, walks and recently I managed to listen to my music and do the dishes at the same time. Accepting Chronic Fatigue has taught me that there is another way to do things, why do we wait till we fall? I might not lead a fast paced life but I don’t feel that I’m missing that much either.

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